4 1/2 became Sherley Cantave and back to 4 1/2

---------Ladies and Gentlemen,  Haitian Art Lovers, and you too the Initiate. On this page here we have reached the summit. On this level, we not only reach the horizon line but the vertical as well................where the known will be left behind or turned upside down,................This is the exact place where all spiritual paths will eventually lead you to  From Jerusalem to Mecca,  Lhasa in Tibet to Saut D'Eau, Haiti. From the top of the Himalayas to the deepest caverns in the belly of the earth  Or more locally even if Papa Legba (butler and courier of the gods)took you by the hand, humans cannot go beyond this point. We are at the summit where the price is paid and the transformation process takes place for not one pound of flesh or one string of tough will survive. Rebirth in the belly of the universe.......

         And please rest at ease even if tears flow down your face.  Let them flow. They are awe-inspired tears originated from or triggered by shocks of realization and not from emotions of sadness...........

After two disastrous failed marriages and many boyfriends and fiancees in between. Having suffered heavily, abuses and humiliations from family members, uncles, cousins etc...,. before departing she made a full circle going back to her beginning, to her true nature and giving me a final embrace {PRICELESS GIFT} pointing to a door in my very person to investigate, in that nature and thus forever deifying herself in my eyes, and these were the eyes of a 4 year old who have just started to talk and to understand..................the language of the soul, language of all that exist.....amen..........

       Is it possible to a human to knows his or her fiinal hour on Earth? Apparently my sister knew. She was given a terminal diagnostic by her Dr. She was given 6 months to live, She died two weeks later.  She was born the same way. A  true miracle of life. Just a little above 4 pounds  and an abnormal and weak heartbeat, she willed herself to live.

Just like she willed herself to let go, no fighting at all. I saw her the day after the diagnostic. we both laugh, cried and danced that day. She kept her diagnostic a secret. She did not want no one to feel sorry for her. The weekend she died I received a letter from her, a masterpiece, she penetrated my very soul  as she have done during my whole life.........     

I don't know who else receive letters but  I doubt it was signed in her original name "41/2 Ti Semi". If your letter was not signed in that fashion, I'm sorry for you for you did not know that side of her. 4 1/2 Ti Semi means absolutely nothing to you. So what is written here have absolutely nothing to do with you or your level. Whoever you are, whatever the relationship or benefits you got, good for you.  From the total sum, I just subtract and deduct whats belongs to me, what is mine and mine alone including arrival and formation, departure and dissolution. From what is mine a powerful feminine essence emerges,  crystallizing into pure divinity inbedded in the living mysteries.

 To me the Semi signature means everything for I was part of the nucleus of what brought that entity into being or was it that entity that bought me into being.  The Semi name was given to her by our grand mother "Grande Nago" a Zemi herself. The only one with the confidence that my sister would live. Please retain that word "Grande NAGO" As she held my sister in the palm of her small right hand at 1am on November 5th with the moon right overhead. She raised the the little naked body, still in foetus position and declared her a Semi., a traveling Semi, to live and die as a Semi. And my father nicked named her 41/2 Ti Semi, meaning four and a half little godess or little ancestral spirit...........To be continued for  sure............

     Now to the heart of the matter. ......      I always knew that place of wonder and only have contemplate it from a far distance, let alone  travelling beyond it to the opposite side.  I always felt I was too fearful and unpure to face it. Walking by from a good distance I always saluted it with reverence... But  everything changed upon my sister's passing. That passing was a big loss and it surely created an unescapable big void. but it was also for me a direct signal  unequivocally  pointing to the frontiere where I spent years mourning , as descending Black Orpheus into that  very unescapable void  until ultimately its very end was found. And what I find out I cannot even say because they would surely put me i a mental assylum..,As with all spiritual matters, once one encounter or reach a level it becomes permanent.  You become it and it becomes you. In all seriousness, the ultimate reality is everything, I mean everything including this material universe itself,  everything that is born at some point dies. It is an empirical law. The big secret to the unknown, unseen, unnamed, unborn is to die in consciousness of it and to do it while living. That is the key to open the door. or the light switch, the awakeness. Once you pass thru, you are literally reborn with one half unknown, unseen unnamed unborn..... At this stage death cannot face the unborn or unnamed in you because of the obvious fact one cannot loook behing one's own head. You are now on the other side of death or at one or equal with death itself  where there is no matter. In this unknown reality there is no inside no outside. or outside and inside are the same. and all the senses are one unit most prominently with the ears and eyes combine with one's will and awareness or consciousness which are not only a complete  module, they also become light, not light that you can see, more like a different kind of illumination, and food {not the kind you eat, but still consuming satisfying energy in the will and awareness}, please note there is no brain, no thinking or calculation or doubt in the will or awareness, memory is -0 minus zero as if nothing exist, at the same state of being everything is100% sure or fully complete,  . no inside or outside, 360 degrees state on being with no inside or outside where everything is one. 

Findind oneself in the center  or cause of a "PILE ETOILE" to self ignite  in an unimaginable scale. as the journey unfolded endlessly on the other side, self sustainably. This was the path 4 1/2 took successfully. 

           And, now Joseph Cantave, we have been waiting patiently, can you please tell us how exactly  do you know your sister underwent such a transformation and took consequent trip? 

             Well because this is the exact trip I myself took after a most chocking and unbelievable transformation. Up to that point my sister have been preparing me for that trip as long as I can remember, step by step by careful step. This is not something you can really explain. It is an experience to be experienced. I never read it in all the books I read or saw it in pictures, movies or dreams. The best way I can honestly describe the invisible, unborn or unnamed is, for that is what one becomes.

 Do you see Frantz Zephirin paintings? more specifically the ones with the figure with part bird, part reptile, part human, part fish and so on. Well the unborn is part ear {not outside ear}, part breath {not outside breath, suspended, neutral or relaxed at midpoint between inhaling and exhaling}, part eyes {not outside eyes 360}, part touch {not outside touch, feeling or radiance}, part senses {not outside sences} all awareness {fully radiant}, intense, extreme feeling of laughing and crying at the same time but not in a human head. With extreme sexual energy or lobido again with no body or sexual organ. 

  That entity is now in a exploding situation as in  climaxing   explosion of light.  Well it was a long voyage to end up in that state. I may write on another page sometimes about the voyage to this State of being. But now I'm find myself in this explosion of light. I started to fight and resist with the senses and awareness. A strange voice started to talk, not in English or Creole or human language, more like a deep, deep understanding. "Relax, Relax, Easy, easy, easy,  relax" the voice keeps telling me repeatedly,you are home, you are yourself, this is who you are, this is your house, gradually calming down and feeling more and more confident, realizing it is my own voice, calling me, as if waking me up to a different reality, myself talking to myself as the energy intensified and the energy is also me. The whole explosion is me becoming me a blazing light...............

Please note, as I mentioned it was not a human voice, house and home is my own human translation, The real thing was more like the place one's belong to and that place is also one's self. Again a place that have no inside and no outside.

            But the whole thing happened not outthere space or inthere space but in a different kind of space. The transformation takes place upon entering a long tunnel or funnel or bridge. Nothing could of stopped me from successfully reaching the end, I just had to. will write more extensilvely about the experience again on another page. That experience totally replaced in my heart  the terrible pain my sister's death caused in me. And that experience itself become the highlight of my life, consuming me day and night.

"Pile Etoile" is a creole word I cannot translate into English now....Sorry........ This expereice lead me to believe there are  unumbered worlds or univereses in existence.

 My experience is unique as each individual is unique but Every human poseess the mechanism already built in their own life. one you realise this truth the quest begins to put the vehichule together.to go beyond the summit if it so desired to pass the frontiere and make it to the other side, see yourself outside of yourself. This is the knowledge pass onto me by my sister who was at once my mother, my sister and childhood soulmate, inseperable from birth to the age of 7. She was and continue to be my inspiration.................................

                                 The absttact faces paintings now have the subject's eyes  looking inward into infinilty as a result of her passing. The titles also reflect the continuation of the relationship.

                              This little picture was taken 1 year before passing. She gave it to me on our last meeting. She was born prematurely and died prematurely, accepting, embracing, and  celebrating her fate, no problem. I looked for that little picture for years in the appartment without finding it. This half little picture, one day, fell from the trck I was driving for 4 years.  A week before returning the leased truck  after the end of the contract. I'm a CDL driver. I then spent  days looking for the other half of the picture in the truck......  There is a message writen in the back for me. It could very well be an opening.

    That day she was very proud of me she told me that I was excelling spiritually.

   this little prayer was the last thing my sister said to me and she insisted it that we said it together a number of times.;;;;;;;;;;;;;;...............Dieu Soit Benit

                                                                                         Dieu Qui Donne    

                                                                                   Dieu Qui M'a Donne

                                                                                      Dieu Qui M'a Ote

                                                                                        Dieu Soit Benit

What make this little prayer stand out for me is that it is the exact same thing that happened the last time I was with my father before living to immigrate to the US. As he was trying to advise me not to be so cheap as I was the cheapest of the family.  In my room, growing up in Haiti, there was a large poster of that prayer on the door. Now I'm discovering this little prayer has metamorphosed in me with  layers upon layers of meanings. 

 ------------------ For my birthday in September 1998 my sister Sherley cantave gave me a round trip ticket for the following July to accompany her on a all expenses paid Haitian vacation. Little that I knew that vacation would turn out to be an unparalleled spiritual experience. 

                On one early morning in July 1999 my sister and I entered Logan International airport destination Port au Prince, Haiti. As we were approaching the luggage and checking-in area, my sister made eye contact with an African American attendant who was directing foot traffic. Right after, my sister told me to be very careful and alert because that woman you just saw will try to make us loose our flight even get us arrested if she could.  Since childhood, my sister had the special ability to accurately read people's eyes, faces, gestures and movements ect... I did not pay that airport employee no mind but after the second time she made us move aside to create two additional lines. I felt something wasn't right. She was purposefully irritating us. But we both my sister and I stood suspended, even though disgusted, we remains  calm, observing the situation.  Half an hour  later after both lines were empty she  made us move a third time, but since there were not a single person inline anymore she had no choice but to signaled us to go to the counter. Before my sister could bend over to grab her suitcase the woman unintentionally or intentionally kicked the suitcase down before my sister can grab the handle. And the attendant then left without looking back. As she walked by I said in creole "Yo voye ou" or "they sent you" in English. My sister and I looked at each other with expressions of resignation and relief as we both bust out laughing, resuming our journey. I know my sister. It was not easy for her to take this kind of indignation or intimidation without responding in kind, but two days later at Union Bank in downtown Port au Prince she suddenly was presented with an opportunity to exhale it all out leaving everyone present stunned and amazed. ........

                .

                    Arriving upon the greater antilles Island, the American Airline airplane made a few circles overhead before descending , during the circles my sister told me in a very somber tone "Ti Frem nan"  it was how she called me at times affectionately meaning my little brother, "Eventhou I told you we are on vacation but I'm here on a mission. I was tasked to escort you to your ancestral home. They claim you have deviated too far from your path, It's time for you to come back to the fold". I asked who are they and what she was talking about. She then told me just to be present and open during all the seven days we would be in Haiti, specially in Saut D'Eau where we would spent three days in celebration of the Virgin, And she also said that the negative interraction at the Logan Airport with the African American Lady was just a test. That lady could of been anyone there at that time.

           I must pause here and say that my sister loved African Americans and had a deep respect for them. She always claimed they have a very important, historical role to play in the destiny of the African diaspora. They first have to awakens to their true identity. 

                        Now what exactly happened at Union Bank down town Port au Prince? 

     The day after we arrived, first thing in the morning we went to the bank, I can tell my sister was still stressfull, loaded with anxiety. That is why many Haitian go back sometimes more than once a year to their country whatever the condition it is in they just have to go. Like fish going to water.

   Ok, upon arrival at the bank, some armed policemen greeted us as I opened the door for her. We did not go far however, for the line was twisted and extended close to the very door we just walk thru. As I looked around, I was amazed by the bank's architecture. It was like a cathedral with very high ceilings, with offices on both sides, three stories high.  Little by little the line moved and we were now close to the end of the line looking at 7 to 10 bank tellers receiving patrons. 

        As we waited for our turn, my sister turned her head and mumured"cote yo prale? in english "where are they going?" , and we observed a white couple escorted by one of the police officers as they walked casually by the long line. The white couple were young and in tourist apparels. t shirts, sunglasses and sandals. Fitting very well for a downtown July scorching Caribbean sun.

   All of a sudden, my sister broke out of the line and approached the officer respectfully good morning ect.... I said to myself some people are just born with authority, she was just like my father a true commander of people, more particular Haitian people.

      But after a short exchange of words with the tourists, she found out those two american tourist were just regular folks with no diplomatic status. They were just doing regular banking and simply did not want to stay in the long line.  My sister screamed three words on the top her her lungs " Tonerre, Tonerre, Tonerre Boule'm". Sorry cannot translate this for it would lost its power in translation. Those three words reverberated, echoed back and forth thru the cathedral walls and the atmosphere. Everyone stopped what they were doing and fixated their attention to the originator of those screams. At this point myself and everyone else were alarmed. This woman "my sister" must be crazy. But what came next out of her mouth melted every Haitian's heart. She spoked creole but in a different kind of manner, the uttered words were arranged in a odd way and every words penetrated one's soul. In just a few words every one knew she was a diaspora coming to her homeland and in a million years she explains she would not be accepted as a regular tourist in the US let alone have this sort of privilege and ended her speech demanding to be arrested. Upon hearing the word arrested I broke out the line to be with her and to be arrested as well. I did not take two steps the whole line dissolved and everyone surrounded us, now banks officials coming from glass doors were also present, the whole atmosphere changed, as a murmur rumbled in the air waves as everyone asking themselves what in heaven is going on? As the bank officials wanted to privileged my sister into what ever business she wanted to do, they themselves would do it for her. My sister firmly refused as we were already close to end on the line. She just wanted the white couple to go back to the end of the line.  All the while the American couple was confused and they did not know or understand what the hell is going on. That privilege, a privilege not allowed in their own country, (at least not overtly) it look like it was their right to exercise in third world countries.  But my sister would not allowed it that morning. The bank officials did not address the couple at all, they just spoke in creole to the police officers and they escorted the poor couple to the back of the line apparently still confused. As they walk back, the line was formed once again as everyone laugh and applauded with delight and contentment including the bank tellers. I could hear an older woman talking behind me as she said "Ce pitit peyi a oui qui sot pale la", in English "we just heard the soul of the country spoken". After our transactions as we were leaving one of the police officers hold the door open and the others rose and saluted her.

   Days later as we were relaxing in Saut D'Eau, I asked her about it, where would we be if we did get ourselves arrested at the bank, she reply she had not taking any chances at all and that everyone and everything was under control. And she asked me if I was paying attention? Now thinking back, the first cried she uttered hypnotized everyone.

       Poor Sherley, the true reason she went to the bank that day outside of daily nessessities and expensises was to give me $100.00 every single day to donate and once we were in Saut D'Eau the donation doubled to 200 a day. For she told me 

she is going to help me get rid of the cheap monster living inside me. I responded  by telling her that I was already working towards that end. For up to that time every girlfriend I had have have left me partly for this very fact.... She laughed haurthily.

    Now what happened in Saut D'Eau?

 Three people so far have asked me about Saut D'Eau.  Well the whole Haitian trip to me was Saut D'eau. Going to the waterfall was just the climax. Will write all the details soon.