4 1/2

Hidden Opening in the ending...........Confirmation of transit to her assured rightful destination. ....................... En Ti Roro acknowledging, taking responsibility and responding in kind. .............................Not a Semi myself, but privileged, selected or favored by association. And from that association I learned first hand in this realm or level loosing is winning and winning is loosing. And if this is the case I place my bet which is my whole being itself as wager, with the full knowledge and confidence of loosing very, very badly. More drama the better like an innocent deer with broken legs laying for days by the side of the road dying of thirst and hunger. I too died in the consciousness of the Eternal Truth................I appreciate and thank you for your humbleness, forgive me my dear 4 1/2 but I have to respectfully bow lower in response...... Even as the sustainer of all life on Earth, the Sun as glorious as it is, is but a product of the Heavens. The Sun is and will always be a child of the Heavens. My dear Semi, the firmaments anchored your very consciousness. You predated me my dear by unreachable degrees of wakefulness and enlightment. How blessed I'am, for my first recollection of anything at all was your warm embrace. .......  Instinctively you knew how expose and alone I was as you often checked up on me. You knew the void around me needed to be filled........ You bypassed the maids who were 4 times your age and your size to be close to me.  and feeling your presence was nurturing to me, I cried so hard whenever you were out of site, all the maids even our father had to take notice. It was only natural, since you showed so much tenderness and affection towards me that they had to yield to you even at your age, they had to give you  the bottle to feed me. The songs you and the maids created to to clam me down, entertained me or inducing me to sleep still lives in me. The most common is "Enti Rorony Pra Pal A Terre", means }My little Rorony don't go on the floor". Because of you I was conscious prematurely, fully aware and communicative. Still a baby, unable to even crawl yet. I kwew the words to command the maids. For they dared not put me down, for the chaoes and locomotions that would ensue. So they took turn e carrying me around. So spoiled I was they carried from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep or to rest. Further more while they carried me they also followed  my orders "Allez icit, Ale lot bo" meaning "go over here go over there".  like that I was able to explore the whole house and the yards as they sing my own limited words. And whenever they put me down they all have  to be down as well on all 4. 

It must be noted that since I did not have a natural mother at such age to set perimiters to my little person (infant),  the maids constantly invaded my space.  History have it that as an infant still in diapers barely able to move any limbs, they knew I was aware and able to utter words of consciousness learned from my sister. They harrassed night and day. In the middle of the night they would wake me up to ask me stuff "Enti Rorony, ou vle lait?" meaning "My little Rorony do you want your milk"? All exited, waking up from sleep I would quickly answered oui, oui". And to get an emotion out of me they would continue harrasingly ask me " Anti Rorony, ou ap ret tan limiere apre blackout la?" meaning "are you going to wait for the light to come back on after the blackout"? I had such a look on my face at such occasions for they knew I knew they were harassing me. They adored me for that awareness. So I would utter a word or two such as "Ter moom" meaning to say "Quitter moon en repos yo". It was an abbreviation. in English "please leave me alone" It was those abbreviations coming from this little enfant that bewirlded them. I would also called my sister to the rescue. Like this like that, my sister and the maids created new songs when new meaningful words were uttered even while crying. 

They spoiled me and I spoiled them. They continued to bathe me even at an older age.Such was the illusionary world I was raised in due to you my 4 1/2. Whenever a family member or friend would visit they would also have to be on the floor.  My dear 41/2 you set the tone of everyday life in the house. The love, security and authority passed on down from my father onto you and from our special relationship the energy you spent on me I was spoiled and loved by the rest. Without you I would not be me. 

    As you asking me for forgiveness, those daily and constant fights you illustrated, I regarded them for what they were,  just capricious and elaborated games lovers or children plays in need of attention. Foolish and absurd to anyone else but critical and life threatening to the participants as they rain down invisible psychological blows on themselves. Blows that often result in tears, giggles or laughter or sometimes a combination of all three.......

                 Those game were initiated by me. So it is my place to apologize to you.  Those games started much earlier than you realise and also much deeper. As infant I cried intentionally so you don't let go of me. As adult, I did not lie but I embellished those dreams to draw my dear interpreter closer.

      As the game goes, there were unwritten rules and limits. When you needed attention, I hide it from you. But  when later I would ask what's wrong. You would answer with a tear in your eyes that would melt me away to nothing. Now with tears in both our eyes I then shower you with affection. Then you would rise and raise me up leading the giggles and laughter. Whenever we watch TV or eat at the table, I knew instinctively my place was always reserve right by yourside. Whenver a visitor or stranger would come to the house, I'll be right next to you. The link we share is beyond flesh and blood.

        And that smile you mentioned, that smile of mine you so much enjoys and cherishes is nothing more than the reflection of your own smile, my conscious response to you welcoming me to your world, my heart saying "I love you too" in response to your heart saying "I LOVE YOU" to my heart. ...................... We are linked beyond death............................Wherever you are I'm next to you................ and wherever I'm you are next to me...............Amen